I turn on this song, close my eyes, and see it. I see you, standing there, pulling me out of bed- giving me a memory that I cherish preciously.
Our last night together.
I was exhausted, painfully exhausted from another year of Adopt a Classroom. You tucked me in for a nap that afternoon and went back to your place to take a nap and hang out with your big brother. You told me you would be back in a few hours for dinner and to leave my balcony unlocked.
As I woke up from my nap, I began to grow weary, sad, and scared. The next day, we would say goodbye to each other for 10 days and I was dreading it. I hated saying goodbye to you, I wasn’t good at goodbyes, I wasn’t good at being apart from you.
I was always told you that when you would leave for a basketball trip that I was scared it would be the last time I saw you. I would shed a few tears, you would wipe them off my face, and promise me that you weren’t going anywhere.
People probably think that’s crazy, that I’m crazy. They probably think that I should be okay being apart for a few days, that crying from being away from you is ridiculous. People think that, but you never did.
As I laid there waiting for you to climb up my balcony, my heart began to skip and race as I heard the shuffling of chairs outside. I heard your feet hit the roof as you jumped and pulled yourself up. I heard you climb over the rail, and as I pretended to be asleep so you would crawl into bed with me, I felt a smile form on my face. I felt anxious, knowing you were walking in.
As you walked in the door, you walked over to my side of the bed, you gently “woke” me up, and you said “Babe, come here.”
I looked at you and said, “Babe, I just woke up, come cuddle with me.”
You grabbed your phone and as I got impatient waiting for you to get off of it, you played this song. You grabbed my hand again and said,
“Babe, will you dance with me?”
I looked at you like you were crazy, and you said, “Babe, please,”
As I got up and lifted my feet on top of yours, I felt you pull me close, I felt you kiss me, and said,
“Babe, I promise I will always be here, I will look after you.”
“This song is from me to you and I know the next 10 days are going to be hard, but we can do this- you are stronger then you know.”
As I stood there in silence, my head on your chest, I looked out my window- I saw the white Christmas lights draped around my balcony and I thought to myself that I am so in love with this man.
After we danced for a few more songs, we grabbed dinner and went back to your place with your brother. We watched Gone Girl, had some wine, and you asked me to put my computer away, to put Charleston Hope away, and to just spend time with the two of you.
Babe I’m so glad I listened to you.
That night, we fell asleep on the couch draped in each others arms. You woke up in the middle of the night, kissed my head, and said,
“Babe, go to my bed, I’ll sleep here.”
I cuddled up to you, laid my head on your chest, and said,
“I don’t want to go anywhere, its our last night for awhile, just hold me.”
And you did. All night.
The next morning your car was broken and you had to stay until the end of the day. As the three of us grabbed breakfast- we took our last selfie together, I’m not sure why we chose to take a selfie, or where David was, but..
Babe, I’m so glad we did.
After I went to work, we met up for dinner. David and I got chicken and you went next door to get pizza. Your brother and I made small talk, both looking out the window, waiting for you to get back.
As we ate, I knew what was coming after our last bites were taken- a goodbye.
We walked across the street to our cars- hand in hand and tangled up in each other. We talked about Christmas, Adopt a Classroom, and how much we were going to miss each other.
Still to this day, David has no idea why he took these pictures.
I’m not sure if you ever saw them or if you ever noticed- but babe, look at the light above you. Look at the light on your side- look at you walking into the light, heading home to Chicago but really heading home to the Lord a few days later.
As we pulled up to the AAA in West Ashley to get your car from the shop, you and David got out to clean stuff out of one car and put it into the other. I’m not sure if you know this, but while you were doing that, I was crying- I didn’t want you to go.
As I said goodbye to David, you told me to get in the car so we could say goodbye and David went to his to wait on you.
You got in the passenger seat, looked at me and said-
“Babe, it’s going to be okay, I promise.”
I looked at you and as tears filled my eyes, you pulled me onto your lap and cradled me like a baby.
I’ll never forget it.
As you held me and I cried, I looked up to kiss you again and there you were- sitting there staring out the window with a tear rolling down your face.
I wiped and off and said,
“Babe, I love you so much and I will be there in 10 days, we can make it.”
You looked at me and said,
“I know baby, I hate leaving you. I hate missing out on 10 days here with you. We’re going to be okay, I’m not going anywhere.”
As we gave our final hugs and kisses, you got out and as you walked away, heading towards the car, I rolled down the window and said- “Babe wait, one more!”
You came to the window, stuck your head in, grabbed my head and gave me our very last kiss.
Although we had a week after these moments of facetiming, phone calls, and constant conversation- the last time I heard your voice, will never come close to the very last time I saw you.
The way you held me, affirmed me, kissed me, and loved me is what has carried me.
Little did I know that saying goodbye to you for 10 days, a year ago from today, meant saying goodbye to you for the rest of this lifetime.
Little did I know that those tears the fell from my cheek, weren’t just tears of saying goodbye for 10 days, they were tears saying goodbye to you for the rest of this lifetime.
Our final moments in each others arms were perfect to me. They were raw and real and authentic. They meant something, in fact, they meant everything.
“There now, steady love, so few come and don’t go
Will you won’t you, be the one I always know?
When I’m losing my control, the city spins around
You’re the only one who knows, you slow it down”