Running towards Healing

I've been fearful of writing for a while. I've started writing but never finished. Before I could finish processing on paper, I would close the journal or laptop- fearful of finishing. I've been fearful of writing and terrified of sharing. I've kept what I could to myself, to my fiance, or to our close family... Continue Reading →


Healing Pains

I'm going to be honest that this is hard for me to write, hard for me to share. I've thought about this post for months, feeling like the Lord was calling me to write it, feeling convicted that I hadn't yet, and extremely terrified of this next step in my healing. And that's what this... Continue Reading →

Another Cloak of Victimhood?

It's been awhile since I wrote- 4 months actually. I would be lying if I said that I stopped writing because I didn't need to anymore and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't out of fear of what might appear on the screen as I type. I always begin to type and then... Continue Reading →

As I sit, gearing up for another Thanksgiving, I can't help but to feel empty, like something is missing- and that's because there is... Something missing. I wish that I could tell you that just Chad was missing, that just Chad left and isn't here anymore. For awhile that's what I told myself to make... Continue Reading →

Real, Raw Anger

It's been a while since I've sat down to write it all get it all out. I write to release, that's it. And tonight, I need a release, a big one. I'm not sure if in my year and a half grief journey this far I've experienced the feeling of pure anger. I've experienced... Continue Reading →

My Wish

I can hear the soft whisper of your voice. I can feel the moment of thinking, "you'll never be happier". I can see my hand reach over to yours and hold on to it tight.  I can hear the words, "Emily Irene Hoisington, I love you with everything inside of me, and I can't wait... Continue Reading →

Season of Grief

  I'm not sure if the body is supposed to cry this much. I'm not sure if after 14 months of you being gone, my heart aches and aches for you. They say that the most powerful sign of love is the measure of your grief and if that's true- I loved you a lot... Continue Reading →

A Different Birthday.

When I think of my 21st birthday, tears flood my eyes. It was about two weeks after Chad died and I remember dreading it and dreading it. I remember so clearly that day because it was the first time that I felt as though I truly needed to pretend or act happy. It was the... Continue Reading →

Christmas a Little Deeper

As I began to walk along the pier last night, holding your urn and the last of your physical body in my arms- I felt removed, far off, in another world. As weird as this may sound but as I walked by myself down the long strip of wood, holding you in my arms- all... Continue Reading →

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